My name is Danielle Selber and I believe
About
Danielle Selber is a matchmaker, community builder, storyteller and nonprofit professional dedicated to fostering meaningful relationships and vibrant communities.
Everything Is Matchmaking means helping people find what they seek, whether that is a partner to love, a friend to hang out with, or a community where they feel at home.
Matchmaking
Local
Matchmaking for Love, Friendship and Belonging
At Tribe 12, a Jewish community engagement nonprofit, I created a model I call ‘community matchmaking’ and built a program that has served thousands of daters. In a decade, we have created over 70 long term relationships. I danced at all those weddings, but it is about more than matchmaking - it is about what lies underneath the desire to find love. Minimizing loneliness and strengthening social fabric creates a better, more connected world.
People who want to find love often also want to find other connections. That’s why I have expanded this local work to include friendship matchmaking, which brings together well-matched friends, and synagogue matchmaking, which fills synagogues with young people who are an ideal fit for their community.
Now I am teaching communities all over to apply this hyperlocal model, from Boston to DC to Sydney, Australia. Work with me.
National
LGBTQ+ Jews in the Legacy of Matchmaking
For millennia, LGBTQ+ Jewish people have been underserved by traditional matchmaking models. In partnership with sexologist and psychologist Dr. Frankie Bashan, I opened the Jewish branch at her matchmaking agency, Little Gay Book.
So often we are asked to leave important parts of ourselves at the door in the whirlwind of dating. The idea is to create a space where someone can bring their full Jewish and LGBTQ+ identities, and all the complexities they hold, to their dating journey.
I work with individual LGBTQ+ clients across the country and host Jewish speed dating events which correspond to Jewish holidays.
Get on the list.
International
A Matchmaker in Every City
Yentas are back! I help lead the expansion of Jewish matchmaking around the world. Through the Jewish Matchmaking Movement, a global volunteer network founded by Aleeza Ben Shalom of Netflix’s Jewish Matchmaking, I work with the Chief Rabbis of South Africa, Germany, and the UK to bring matchmaking to their communities.
At the international initiative Basheret, I lead the training department that prepares their growing army of matchmakers. I help matchmakers learn how to help someone feel understood and be open to connection. For thousands of years, dating was done in community, with help of neighbors and family and friends. No one should have to do it alone.
I advise large-scale Jewish matchmaking initiatives on how to structure their programs, train their matchmakers, and reach more people. Let’s build yours.
Storytelling
The Stories That Help Us Feel Known
I believe everyone has a vast internal universe. Every time I publish a personal essay or perform a story from my life on stage, I let people into a little piece of mine.
I bring that same practice to matchmaking. It is stories that help people connect to us, see us as human, and want to be a part of our world. I help people find the stories that show who they are, whether they are writing a dating profile or sitting across from someone on a first date. Sometimes, the most important audience for a story is the person telling it, who can learn through the process about who they are and whether they are truly ready to date.
I work one on one with people to craft their online presence, navigate dating communication in real time, and tap into their stories. Talk to me.
Values
Kindness
In the end, only kindness matters.
I work exclusively with kind people and
I hold myself to the same high standards.
Collaboration
There is no such thing as
competition, whether in the dating pool or between matchmakers. A rising tide lifts all (relation)ships!
Hope
Dating can be negative, lonely and dark. When you cannot explain the darkness, you carry in the light.
I lead with positivity and possibility.
Acceptance
Everyone deserves to show up as they are and be treated with respect. I ask questions before conclusions and make room for stories I have yet to hear.
Impact
“[Boyfriend] and I recently celebrated our six month anniversary, thanks to you. He’s the best.”
— Marisa*
“It’s really beautiful that you do this.
Thank you for helping me... regardless of outcome”
— Gil*
“I just wanted to say thanks for introducing me to my boyfriend. We've been officially together since early August and I'm meeting his parents next week for the first time. He's super great and cool and quirky, and I'm glad I met up with ya for a chat!”
— Laura*
“We [had] so much fun last night… Thank you so much for suggesting I come out. It was really important for me to get out of my comfort zone a bit so I really appreciate it.”
— Andrew*
“I am [giving] you a glowing review as, directly or indirectly, contacting you has been one of the best choices I have made in my life. I equate it with the positive transformation I have had in the past year.”
— Alex*
“Thank you for creating Tribe 12 Matchmaking. I'm so happy in my relationship and I appreciate what you've built.”
— Mara*
“From that quick Hinge session and your crafted responses, I had the highest return rate I’ve seen in a while. Now I have the problem I haven’t had in a while: too many women.”
— Max*
“You all are doing the lord’s work with your synagogue matchmaking. We all appreciate it.”
— Chana*
“You have me in tears. I can’t begin to tell you how much your words mean to me and what [the prayer you shared] means. I don’t know what I’d do without you and don’t know how I managed life without you in it! Like what was life BD (before Danielle)? Thank you for always being there, for always listening and for your constant care, love and support. It means everything.”
— Hila*
“I’m pretty sure my first words to Danielle were, 'I’m a modern Orthodox lesbian. Good luck with that.' I had never worked with a matchmaker before in any capacity. I hadn’t expected the care and attention she gave to each thing I said – or that she’d arrange a series of matches that actually fit my criteria.
— Aviva*
Dani’s event last night was terrific. What a great way for people to break the ice and meet each other. I could not help thinking that if Danielle were around when I was young, ironically she would not exist because I would have been married a lot younger than 38.
— Steve, Danielle’s dad
* All names changed except Danielle’s dad
Media
Podcasts
Co-Host
The Yentas with Aleeza Ben Shalom and Michal Naisteter
Guest
Matchmaker Mentor, hosted by Arlene Washburn
Jewish Singles Radio, hosted by Valeri Zaslow
Can We Talk?, a podcast from the Jewish Women’s Archive
Calling All Cupids, hosted by Sue Port and Tamar London
Press
2 Philadelphia women take Jewish matchmaker role into 21st century (CBS News)
What’s a Jewish matchmaker to do when a client tells her ‘I won’t date East of Broad’? (The Philadelphia Inquirer)
Philly's two Jewish Matchmakers want to put you on the path to true love (ABC)
How Does A Matchmaker Work? (Slate)
Make Me A Match documentary
Writing
You Are Not Alone (Jewish Insider)
Always Go to the Bris. And Always Go to the Shiva (Kveller)
Dating in the Jewish World: Tradition, Identity, and Modern Sensibilities (Little Gay Book blog)
Storytelling
Storytelling honors
Second Place, The Moth Philadelphia StorySLAM: Magic
Featured storyteller
Tellabration: A Story Concert presented by Patchwork Storytelling Guild
Love Sex & Philadelphia at the Philadelphia Fringe Festival presented by Philly Queer Storytellers
Contact
Whether you are looking for a meaningful connection, want to bring community matchmaking to your city, or are looking for a consultant to help you build or grow a matchmaking initiative, I would love to hear from you.
Fill out this form to start the conversation.